"Seek respect, not attention. It last longer."My goodness, it has been way too long since a posting! Seriously, I have no idea even where to begin, other than to say, I so missed blogging! My silence was due to my used refurbished laptop exiting my journey back in July 2014. She and I made an awesome team, but sadly her time came to an unexpected end.
Finally, 10 months later, I have been able to get a new VERY basic laptop:)! Ironically, this very "basic" on clearance laptop has MANY more "bells and whistles" than my used refurbished laptop! It feels strange, almost like cheating on a boyfriend, well maybe not, never cheated on one, but my new laptop and I are slowly getting acquainted with one another. However, I do believe she and I are going to become the best of friends.
The crazy part, all those months without a computer the blog posts that I easily wrote in my head on the long dark, lonely cold nights are failing me now! Perhaps it is the excitement of actually being able to express my thoughts and share my journey once again.
Yes, my journey. I have been homeless now for 2 years 8 months and 1 day. Sigh. Since July 2014, life has been a constant roller coaster of both highs and lows for me. One thing for sure, I know I am writer. I know writing is not just therapuetic for me, it IS part of me, who I am and what I am meant to do.
In fact, I have learned that when writing is missing from my life, my Trinity (body, mind and soul) become unbalanced. The need for me to write and share is an internal drive. It makes me appreciate even more so when I hear of a follow artist who has run out of paint or a fashion designer without a sewing machine. I totally get it!
I know i will sound like a total nerd, but I can totally recall learning the alphabet as a child. I recall practicing for HOURS, on my own self direction, how to write the upper and lower case letters. I found the letters fascinating (Yeah, remember, I just informed you a would sound like a nerd). Most kids begged their parents for candy, toys, etc. Miss Bloomfield was endlessly whining for a writing composition book to practice her penmanship.
When I was taught I could take these letters and form words?! SAY WHAT?!?!?! I was completely BLOWN away! Seriously, the alphabet was MAGICAL to me! Yes, Little Miss Bloomfield would go through the ENTIRE alphabet putting letters together on paper and running to an adult, ANY adult, excitingly asking them what word did I just write and what did it mean. Apparently, I was quite good at creating non-existing words, but that did not stop my quench to write. In fact, it just made me determined to learn how to read. Seriously folks, I HOGGED the dictionary at school. (Yep nerd alert). I would hide it in my desk because I didn't want to have to wait and share this golden nugget of knowledge with anyone! (Hey, I warned you...TOTAL nerd).
In fact, I CLEARLY remember the day I got my first PUBLIC library card! It was the size of a credit card but made from thick blue cardboard and MY name was on it! Oh yes, Little Miss Bloomfield was moving up in the world at the tender age of 8 and feeling quite important! On my library card was a silver metal plate, which I learned was my identification number for when I would check books out at the library. At the time, I would tell anyone who would listen that I got my "reading license". Hey, at that age I had no idea what a credit card was nor saw one, BUT remembered how my parents would pull out their drivers license when they wrote a check. I guess in my 8 year old mind I felt I earned my "reading license" because I knew the alphabet, could read and had my own dictionary in stash for any tricky words!
Well, in my case, since I lived in the sticks, we had a book mobile come every 2 weeks to our tiny town post office. I was allowed to take out 3 books at a time with my "reading license". I figured I must have had a "junior's reading license" because the adults could take out more books with their "reading license". Now mind you, the book mobile was nothing more than an oversized delivery van with limited shelving which meant the book selection was minimal and limited in book subjects. Every other Friday during the summer, I was up at the crack of dawn! I made my bed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and was ready to walk across the field, down the dirt road to be FIRST at the post office for when the book mobile arrived. Due to the size of the bookmobile, only 6 library patrons could occupy it at one time. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to go alone and my siblings did not have the same insane passion for the bookmobile as I! Sigh.
I thought it was unfair to only be allowed 3 books at a time, especially since the bookmobile came every 14 days. I remember being told to only read 2 or 3 chapters a day; then go watch some tv or play outside in order to savor my reading materials for 2 weeks! ( Hmmmm, yeah some irony right there!) I had a SUCH a thirst for mystery books, still do, and I read every single Nancy Drew mystery book, as well as The Hardy Boys mystery books. Yep, I was the procoscious 8 year old who played the adult board game "Clue" with the babysitter and won every time:)!
It wasn't until HArriet The Spy books came out that I started to write in journals. Harriet made me realize how reading and writing were the perfect marraige. I made my own little spy journal and carried it around in my journalist bag (aka mom's old purse that didn't sell at the yard sale). Harriet got me in trouble quite a bit. You see, Harriet would SPY on people and write down what she saw in her little spy journal . Well, I sort of did the same thing but created stories and read them to people for entertainment. My writings WERE quite entertaining because they usually answered questions people had been seeking over missing items, broken items, etc. For example, the time my brothers used my mom's hand held mechnical egg beater in the sand box without her knowledge. Apparently, they had broken it and when my mom had asked my brothers had they seen her egg beaterm they both lied and had said no. Oh what is a 9 year old to do when all she wanted to do was explore, learn and write!
Not my intention at all, but my "researching" and writing about my environmental discoveries had become an every other Friday tell all, when it wasn't the Friday of the bookmobile visit. I guess you could say even at the tender age of 9, Miss Bloomfield needed her release of writing:)! Needless to say, my siblings learned to come to the bookmobile with me. They got up early allowing me to be one of, if not the first, person in line. The best part, they themselves not being readers would pick just one book to appease my mom for summer reading assignments; then sign out 2 more books but for me, hence the reason why I had read the entire series of The HArdy Boys:)!
At first, I thought i had THE best siblings in the world. You see, this gave me SIX additional books on top of MY three books to read for TWO weeks! AHHH:)! i still get the chills of thrills because that is how much i ADORED (still do) reading! IT wasn't until years later I realized their "act of kindness" was to keep me pre-occupied with reading so I couldn't or wouldn't find time to spy and write, using them, well their actions, as my focus of writing topics!
Somewhere packed away in my storage unit is my FIRST ever library card:)! I don't get the chance to visit the library as much as I had as a child. I know books can be downloaded but there is just something so soothingly delicious to me about being able to hold a book, turn its crisp pages and indulge in the words of pleasure and knowledge typed so neatly, especially on a rainy day curled up on a couch or under a shady tree on a hot summer day or at the beach with that ocean breeze and overhead squawking of seagulls! Words, SUCH a beautiful concept bestowed upon us:)!
As a child, books were something you would get as a present on your birthday, at Christmas or even from the Easter Bunny, well at least in my case because I wasnt (still not) into candy and hard boiled eggs. Amazon did not exist back then, so books were pricey. You did not write in them nor take them out of the house. As an adult, oh how gratfeful I am for thrift stores, Amazon, used bookstores, etc., because I am a person who MUST underline, highlite, etc., when I am reading a book. Phrases, quotes, facts, etc. that jump out at me I HAVE to underline with a pencil or pen, and if the little golden nugget of knowledgeable words REALLY makes me drool, out comes my trusty companion highliter! And of course, I love being able to write my OWN little notes in the margin of the pages:)! Hmmmm, you might not want to borrow one of my books, because you might find all my "mark ups"/comments annoying OR you might find them humorous:)!
I know, Vivian, why so much talk about writing and books. Well, as I stated, it is in me and I truly believe part of my future, not sure how or when but I would love some day to write a book, possibly even more than one. I also have a deepening desire to create my own website where I can write and share all I know about plant-based living and topics that help nurture, heal and unite the Trinity (body, mind and soul).
When I became homeless, I thought ALL my problems would be resolved by just losing the weight. I have come to understand the backslide in weight was to help me understand our health is more than just a certain determined number on the scale, been there, done that and it alone didnt give me the happiness and long lasting optimal health I had focused and worked so hard on obtaining.
The realization of a balanced Trinity working synergistically is THE answer in obtaining optimal health, longevity and happiness. When one of my trinities is lacking/missing something, it is off balanced and messes up my overall well-being---my body not being propely nourished, lack of sleep, etc.----my soul feeling hopeless, not embracing gratefulness for the littlest of things which creates more blessings, etc---my mind feeling fogged, focusing on the negative, etc. Granted, being homeless DOES create a hurdle in trying to overcome the Trinity from not being balanced, but at the same time, I believe I needed to pull away from the conventional way of living to be humbled and really listen to my body and the Universe. When you hit rock bottom, no one and nothing is there. The only thing left is to look up and rely on your Higher power for guidance and healing.
For example, when I first became homeless, my weight had been coming off slowly, despite not having a kitchen, my food being taken at work, etc BUT I was focused on eating plant-based, writing down my dreams, blogging, walking in the cornfields, attending my weight loss support group, giving thanks for each and every little thing in my life that gave me happiness, etc. just to name a few. I had balance within my Trinity. My body, mind and soul were ALL getting some much needed overdue nurturing. Even though I still did not have a roof over my head, I had learned to create the balance I needed for my Trinity in order to start healing. When my lap top died and I switched jobs at the same time, it was like I had three separate beings within me, all crying out for need/want/help at the same time. Too overwhelmed to calm down all I could do was shut down and my Trinity went into total chaos once again!
I had no outlet to write. The new job brought new stresses into my life that I never had to deal with before. The winter was the coldest on record. The list could go on but I will stop here. My third year "anniversary" of being homeless is approaching quicker than I would like. I do not have the funds to move out of state where the cost of living is so much more reasonable and also where my weight loss support group meets. I still have a job that is paying me LESS than half of what I use to earn. As a result, my weight has fluctuated up and down with the stress and daily frustrations I face on my journey learning important lessons in order to grow and become a whole and healthy person. As of today's date, I have only lost 5 pounds in the past 2 years 10 months and 1 day, yeah so much for being homeless for my health, right?
WRONG! I had to remind myself my health is based upon the balance of my Trinity. I have changed, for the better, since being homeless. For one thing, I have fallen in love with the idea of living in a tiny home on a trailor bed. It would be FOUR times the size of the BB with running water, a shower, etc. NEVER before coming homeless would I have even thought about such a thing.
I was caught up in the rat race where having LOTS of "stuff" meant I was "successful", when in actuality, LESS is best. Being downsized for these past 2 years and 10 months, has actually been a pleasure. The need to have multiple quantities of an item just so it is on hand is now crazy to me, as is having a place with LOTS of rooms which are typically empty most of the time except for all the purchased cluttered "stuff" that gets placed in them! Sleeping in a loft on a mattress APPEALS to me:)! Being able to move my tiny home ANYWHERE I want THRILLS me. I could easily move near the ocean, mountains, etc and never have to ever worry about being homeless in my life EVER again!
Yes, I have grown and changed in so many wonderful ways. Three years ago, I would have turned my nose up to the entire idea. By being blessed with the experience of homelessness and being in the BB, my eyes have opened, as well as my heart, to live a simple life that is conducive not just to my health but to the well-being of the world, too. I am so passionate about having my own tiny home built one day, that I have started a scrapbook of the architetual layout I would want. In fact, I even have a co-worker who told me he has a friend who is an architect and owes him a favor! This meaning when I am ready for my tiny home, the Universe has already lined up the person to design my tiny home dream for me---FREE! It is a dream and I am nurturing it and allowing my soul to sing as I do so:)! It is also a reminder to me that the "how" part is the Universes job, the "what" part is up to me, just as it is for YOU! WHAT is it you dream of? Are you like me sometimes, over analyzing every aspect of the "how" and "when" part? Well, this is my reminder to just focus on the "what" part, because that is all we are responsible to do. In fact, when we start to focus in the "how" and "when" part, we actually cause our dreams to remain just dreams.
You see guys, I thought I had "failed" in this chapter of my journey, but really I have blossomed. I was just focusing on ONE area, my weight, and not tkaing in the entire picture of what I learned about myself and what I anticipate for my future. I believe it is due to my being judge by my weight my entire life. I placed my worth and success upon the number of the scale and of course on the words and actions of people around me, yes even people who did not know me or me them! What I failed to realize is when I focus on my ENTIRE well-being (body, mind and soul), the weight naturally comes off, or should I say my wall of weight from the world and its standards comes down allowing me to be free and ME!
As I was working the other day at the clients homes, an advertisement came on tv with a well known comedian sharing how he kept picking himself up after each "shattered" dream. He stated no one believed in him, but he believed in himself. He sifted through those broken pieces and continued fall after fall to re-invent who he was.
His words echoed in my mind long after the commercial ended. I don't think it was necessary that he felt he had to re-invent himself. To me, I think it is more a process of finding yourself. WHO are YOU? WHAT do YOU want? In life, from the time we are children, we are told what to do, eat , wear, etc. With years of this dominating thought process, as we get older, I think we detach from our own truth. That inner voice of guidance gets softer, turns into a whisper and for many people eventually goes on mute. We become conditioned to just accept what others tell us who we are, what we like and what we will do, unless of course you were fortunate enough to have a person in your life who not only allowed you, but also helped you blossom and utilize the innate gifts given to you at birth.
So, each time a dream shattered in that comedian's eyes, I think it was the Universe guiding him in the correct direction, to step into his truth and accomplish his purpose on this Earth, to share his gifts with others to make their life more enjoyable. Yes, enjoyable. I feel regardless of what your purpose is here on Earth, the main objective of the assigned job is to help make the world a better place by helping others. EVERYONE plays an important role on this Earth. It is when we slide into a role that isn't ours that makes life difficult, not just for oursleves, but also those we are serving. Hence, the reason we are ALL born with special talents and gifts. The journey in life is finding them and sharing them. Every person needs a purpose. When we find our purpose (calling) in life, it fulfills us with a deep inner happiness and contentment, because everyone wants to feel and be needed.
There are MANY dreams within my heart. My main one is to obtain overall health and happiness---a solidified union of my Trinity (body, mind and soul). For me, this means, an appropiate weight for my height that I am comfortable with, loving myself unconditionally, as well as others, living out the dreams on my bucket list, and most of all just oozing utter bliss for life in all I do and for all the people I meet on my journey:)!
It is WONDERFUL "being back" on my blog! I look forward to continuing my journey, crossing off the accomplished dreams from my bucket list and most of all, sharing it all with you:)!
I have the power to achieve any goal I desire. I recognize the barriers to achieving my goals and I move around them, over them and through them.
Leafy Greens and LOTS of LOVE!
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